Interviews

Noodle Muffin

By Dug

   Desperate times require desperate measures. With the country sinking into an unimaginable abyss of debt; the sea, sky, and forest dying at an unprecedented rate; and a leader bent on plunging the world into Armageddon, the members of seminal L.A. comic-punk band Noodle Muffin have taken off the gloves. The band's newest release, a 32-track masterpiece called REGIME CHANGE, is a bold challenge to our current neo-fascist regime. All proceeds from the album, T-shirts, and anything else the band sells will go to Democratic charities; but basically, the album is free to download, copy, and distribute from www.noodlemuffin.com.

    Being a very suspicious and paranoid child of the '60s, I found it hard to believe these supposedly benevolent Mother Theresa's of the music world were not some type of GOP secret weapon. I asked some hard questions in a recent interview with three members of the band and came away convinced that the freedom our forefathers envisioned still beats in the hearts and souls of these musicians.

SKRATCH: How many musicians participated in the REGIME CHANGE album?
DJG2S: The enemy combatants of REGIME CHANGE are SoCal-based Noodle Muffin regulars Dan Sias (a.k.a. Major Noize), DJ Brontosaurus (DJB), and DJ G2S, plus foreign fighter Al Tokaji from Australia. Track 13, "It's Time", features MC Villain of the Netherlands, so this is truly an international coalition of the willing.
MAJOR NOIZE: Let's not forget our guest vocalist, Mr. Weapons of Mass Deception himself, George W. Bush. He graciously appears on most of the songs on REGIME CHANGE—and is surprisingly forthcoming, too.

SRKATCH: Your previous music has had a lot of sexual themes. What prompted you to get so political?
DJG2S: In the old days, we would drink lots of beer and write about Bush. This time we drank lots of beer and wrote about Bush—so not much has changed. We actually did slip a few political/social songs in on our first CD, TEASPOONS OF SIN, before going overtly silly on the second CD, MAGNUM DOPUS. Around the end of June, as the time drew near for writing CD number three, I kept getting more and more pissed off with the audacity of the Bush regime and would write more and more about it in my journals. Finally, I said, "Screw it: let's make an short EP and vent the anger and give any proceeds to the fight against Bush." I approached the guys, and they readily agreed to fight the good fight. Then the pent-up anger spilt out like a Florida hurricane—and two months and 32 songs later, we have our third full-length CD and a massive plea to America to dump Bush regime.
DJB: It's no secret that this administration wants to undo everything to take us back to pre-WWII status—if not an imperial dark age—just to forward a money- and land-grab at the expense of civil rights, national security, and democracy. I feel a certain guilt (despite having voted) that I didn't prevent this. Today, I feel that voting is the very LEAST you can do; you have to make your voice heard and grab five more votes to take with you.
MAJOR NOIZE: We all have a wicked sense of humor, and that always showed up in our songs. Unfortunately, the Bush administration is the Supreme Court's sick joke gone horribly awry. After seeing Bush and his neo-conservative cabal rape America and the world, we decided it was time to stop writing about monster penises ("747") and Wilford Brimley stealing pot ("Wilford Brimley Smoked My Fatty") and to use our powers for good instead of absurdity. Thus, we decided to write music that would inspire young people to register and vote against George W. Bush.

SKRATCH: Doesn't George W. Bush have the best interests of our country at heart?
DJG2S: Maybe…and Hitler may have had the best interests of white people at heart, and Osama bin Laden probably has the best interests of "true" Muslims at heart. But really, that doesn't make a fucking bit of difference. Evil is evil. If you are deranged, misguided, selfish or simply stupid, your "good" intentions can still kill millions and must be stopped. I don't think Bush is evil per se ([as opposed to] some of his team, such as Evil Dick and Wolfewitz), but I do think he's one of those self-righteous, ex-addict, born-agains who do evil in the name of doing God's will. He'd be alright if he just had the Texas Rangers to destroy, but this A-hole can fire nukular missiles. That's scary.
DJB: Bush has the best interest of HIS country at heart; there's a difference. The world is his country club, and he's been pissing in the sand traps at our expense. Still, there is an earnestness of someone who is righteously misinformed, so for all we know he may be convinced that he's doing the best job he possibly can...while taking the most vacation days of any president in history.
MAJOR NOIZE: If you are one of his oil buddies or in the top 1% income percentile, Bush has your best interests at heart. If you are a fundamentalist Christian, Bush has your best interests at heart. If you are a large corporation, Bush has your best interests at heart. If you believe in an America of freedom, justice, and equality, George W. Bush is your worst enemy.

SKRATCH: You use a lot of Bush quotes out of context on the album. Isn't that just like the swift-boat vets' ads?
DJG2S: The swift-boat ads are simply mass deceit aimed at destroying the reputation of a man who actually fought for his country when he probably had the means of avoiding the draft—like no-show Guardsman Bush. Not to be too pretentious, but our CD is political art meant to bring out the subtext and true meaning of Bush's double-talk. Unlike Kerry, who seems to actually compose sentences by himself, Bush is fed his script of lies, which he faithfully repeats again and again. He's very good at being a parrot. The problem is that his words never match his actions. What we've done in our music is match Bush's words and his actions to describe the reality of the Iraq and the Bush regime. If you want his words in context, try track 17, "Liars and Soldiers". It lays out the Bush rationale for war, his lies, his backtracking, and the consequences of his deceit. There is no manipulation on this track.
DJB: I'm glad to hear at least one journalist call the SBV's work fiction and fraud, instead of what is was treated as: news. Two differences between them and [what he did with] REGIME CHANGE are that we admit to distortions and we mangle Bush's words on purpose to match his actions. If there were a device that would force us to say what we really do, that's what [Bush's] would sound like.
MAJOR NOIZE: No, there is a fundamental difference: the swift-boat vets blatantly lied about Kerry's service. They took his words out of context and presented it as truth. Noodle Muffin cuts up Bush's lies and edits his words into statements that represent his actions. Our Bush samples are obviously edited and not presented as "fact." Plus, we aren't being paid to assassinate someone's character, as the swift-boat bastards are. It really is pathetic that many Americans believed the SBV's lies and couldn't see their ads for what they were: an attempt to distract attention away from the fact that George W. Bush is a draft-dodger and went AWOL during his National Guard "service."

SKRATCH: Do you really think that Al Gore would have done a better job than Bush?
DJG2S: O.J. would have done a better job than Bush. [There's] no doubt in my mind that Gore would have taken the right actions in response to 9/11. Don't mistake us for liberal pussies who stick daisies in rifles: I was all for going into Afghanistan, destroying the Taliban (who Reagan and Bush I created), and tracking down al-Queda until someone was brought to justice for the 2001 atrocity. Gore would have done this (remember, Clinton tried to attack al-Queda before the Republicans neutered him [over] a blowjob), but he probably would have stopped in Afghanistan and gotten the job finished there. But Bush had a hard-on for getting Saddam (who, according to the CIA, was enemies with bin Laden), so he spread our money, resources, and youthful lives thin to achieve his pet project. Meanwhile, al-Queda's loose and regrouping, North Korea's got nukes, Pakistan (our ally) sells nuclear secrets, and Iraq's a fucking quagmire. The worst we would have had to face with Gore was his wooden speeches.
DJB: Hindsight being 20/20, could he have done worse? It was a three-horse race—and Nader didn't even want the job; he just wanted to show that the other parties were out of touch.
MAJOR NOIZE: Fuck yes! I honestly don't think there are many people on the planet that could have done a worse job than George W. Bush. As boring as he is, Gore is an intelligent, rational person who can make wise decisions. Bush is a spoiled, dim-witted ideologue who is controlled by Cheney and the neo-cons. Plus, he couldn't think his way out of a paper bag. The world would be a much safer place if the Supreme Court hadn't prevented Al Gore from rightfully becoming president. Not only would America not be fighting two wars, but I believe 9/11 probably wouldn't have happened.

SKRATCH: Since Iraq was partially responsible for the 9/11 catastrophe, didn't we have to attack the Iraqis to preserve freedom?
DJG2S: Now, you want me to bitch slap you, don't you? Are you a Bush operative? Okay, okay. While Dick Cheney continues to assert that Iraq and al-Queda are one and the same, the 9/11 commission and earlier intelligence immediately after 9/11 concluded Iraq was not responsible for the twin-tower attacks. Cheney asserts Iraq and bin Laden had contacts, but that half-truth dates back to the early '90s, when a meeting took place and nothing was worked out. bin Laden's a religious fanatic, and Saddam was a secular infidel to him. They hated each other. The real contacts we should be concerned about are between the Reagan administration and the Afghan freedom fighters—who became the Taliban and al-Queda—in the '80s and Ronnie's and Bush I's utter support for Saddam with weapons and intelligence during the Iran-Iraq war. Perhaps we should invade Texas and get Bush I as an enemy combatant?
DJB: Is this HIGH TIMES?
MAJOR NOIZE: Isn't it amazing that some Americans still believe that shit? Bush and his pals are the masters of Hitler's favorite trick: the Big Lie. Their technique is to tell a lie so many times that eventually people believe it. They did it with WMDs, they did it with the Patriot Act, and, of course, they did it with Iraq and 9/11. Unfortunately, many Americans didn't notice when the 9/11 commission dispelled Bush's lies. That reminds me of another Bush oldie-but-goodie lie. Remember when he let Osama bin Laden escape and then for months afterward kept saying that "Osama was almost certainly dead"? The media never called him on it—and then people forgot. That's how he gets away with so much shit: Americans don't pay attention.
SKRATCH: Do you think George W. Bush snorted coke at Yale?
DJG2S: Of course. Why wouldn't he have? It was during the Vietnam era. But this is the problem I have with born-agains and Republicans: they're fucking hypocrites. I have no problem with blow-jobs, coke-snorting, illicit affairs, and DUIs. Shit happens—and some of it's pretty fun. But when you condemn people because they happen to love someone of the same sex or like a little green now and again, and then do the same things yourself, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, [because] you're a fucking hypocrite. Jesus loved whores and wackos, so lay off , you Christian freaks.
DJB: Yes, and when he traded Sammy Sosa from the Rangers....
MAJOR NOIZE: Hell yeah! He was probably rolling in the stuff. We already know he was a drunk. I bet he toked a little ganja, too. I have no problem with any of that; I just hate the hypocrisy and lies about it.

SKRATCH: On the song "Who R Yr Friends?", you seem to associate Bush with a lot of very bad dictators and mass murderers. Isn't is okay to give money and weapons to your enemy's enemies?
DJG2S: Possibly—but then have a plan for dealing with the fallout. But again, the issues raised in the song go back to hypocrisy. I would have had some respect for Bush if he had said, "First, we fucked up by creating bin Laden, and we've got to hunt him in Afghanistan. Second, on a completely unrelated note, we Americans are addicted to cheap oil and cheap goods. In order to maintain our opulent, fat lifestyle and still be able to drive gas-guzzling SUVs, I'm going to invade Iraq. This will give us access to new oil reserves, while removing a destabilizing force in the oil-bearing region of the world filled with people we hate. What's really cool is American companies (and my friends) can make a killing on no-bid contracts to rebuild this mess of a country." At that point, I would have still opposed him, but I would have said, "Shit, that's fair play." But no, he lies about 9/11, lies about WMDs, and lies about democracy—and middle America believes him. It's maddening! So "Who R Yr Friends?" was written to vent Bronto's and my anger at the hypocrisy of Bush-talk and the action of his band of thieves and murderers.
DJB: Oh, such as that network of friendly militias we put together in the '80s to combat communism? That's why we propped up Suharto, Pinochet, Noriega, Duvalier...and dare I mention Saddam? Maybe before doing that again, someone should crack open a history book. The Romans created this model of local militias to support the cycling of core Roman troops in and out of the outlying regions of the empire. In the end, these militias were instrumental in the dismantling of the empire and would usually fall under control of the local warlords as they rose up against the Roman occupiers. Of course, they were quite effective…since they had been armed and trained by the Romans themselves. Learn from history.
MAJOR NOIZE: Probably not, unless you have a real good reason; and if you do, you must choose the people you work with carefully and consider the long-term consequences of your action. Bush Sr., Rumsfeld, and Cheney did not do that: they created numerous monsters, including Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, and now they pretend they had nothing to do with it. You reap what you sow.

SKRATCH: Your song "Message to the Iraqis" is freakin' brilliant. What kind of a message do you really think we are sending?
DJG2S: I love that song because the music is peppy and innocuous, like Bush's cheerleading style of speech, yet the words are viscous and destructive, like the subtext and true meaning of Bush's words. We marched into Iraq in the name of freedom and righteousness, but to the thousands of innocent civilians and the poor servicemen who have been killed in this crusade, we might as well have marched in the name of Darth Vader.
MAJOR NOIZE: Thanks! I wrote that to show what it would sound like if Bush came clean about what he is doing in Iraq. He doesn't give a shit about the Iraqi people; it is all about getting the oil and getting a strategic foothold in the Middle East. He and his neo-conservative buddies have been planning this war for over 10 years. The real message Bush is sending the Iraqis is "You will experience 'freedom,' even if it kills you—so bend over and take it, or else!"

SKRATCH: Are you secretly funded by the Kerry campaign?
DJG2S: No, but if Theresa wants to cut us a nice, fat check, we'll take it. This CD was done on a minimal budget of a couple of sold instruments. We are not selling the CD for profit, [but for] donations only. In fact, we are encouraging Democratic and anti-Bush groups to download the CD, print up copies, and sell them to raise money for the cause. We sell T-shirts from our Website, www.OperationRegimeChange.org, and we will donate all proceeds we get to an action group like Move-On. Just listen to the fucking album and give it to your undecided, likely-voter friends.
DJB: Actually, quite the inverse: the proceeds from our merchandising have gone to Democracy for America and MoveOn, which we're quite sure went to Kerry—all 25 bucks of it. C'mon, people! Buy a damn shirt!
MAJOR NOIZE: I wish. Nope, this is coming out of our pockets. Besides, the Kerry campaign is too pussy to support a project like this. Their take the high-road campaign is handing Bush the White House. They need to get aggressive—like our music (though probably with fewer profanities).

SKRATCH: Do you ever lie awake nights and listen for that FBI knock on the door?
DJG2S: I have fantasized of it since I saw Agent Scully in the '90s. Mmmmm.
DJB: I never slept to begin with, especially during the last three years. The FBI knocking never concerned me, although I had a pleasant hallucination that a member of the RIAA farted on my voicemail.
MAJOR NOIZE: If we didn't get an FBI file after our college release as the band Bobdole, we'll certainly have one after this! No, I'd like to think that, despite Bush's best efforts, freedom of speech still exists in America. An artist shouldn't have to be afraid in the "Land of the Free." In fact, I used my real name on this CD to prove that very point. So, if you read that Dan Sias disappeared or met an untimely end, you'll know I was wrong.

SKRATCH: A lot of great musical artists (such as Anti-Flag, NOFX, and even Springsteen) have gotten involved in this election. Do you associate with any other politically-motivated bands?
DJG2S: I've always liked bands that did good non-political music but had something to say politically every so often. The Clash, XTC, the Beasties, and the obvious punk bands influenced me [to] never shy away from writing about politics. As far as other bands we know who are political, boy, I guess we're alone on that one.
DJB: As much as I lather about politics, you'd think we're political artists—but we're really not: we're just crossing the line to assure there are people around to enjoy our brand of filth in the future. Hanging with other bands about it at this point feels like networking. Some people go to church for the same reason, and it just dilutes the meaning for me. Don't get me wrong: I'd love to tell my grandkids I shared a fifth of Jack with Fat Mike, but not over this.
MAJOR NOIZE: Not really, though we did get some assistance from Negativland in tracking down a manufacturer for this CD. Believe it or not, our CD was rejected by a manufacturer for "copyright infringement" due to the mashing and samples on "Regime Change". Fucking RIAA! We created original works protected by the "fair use" doctrine, but the RIAA has everyone so scared that most CD manufacturers literally check each submitted CD against a database of copyrighted material. If even a snippet of something copyrighted appears, they refuse to manufacture it. Talk about fascist. Anyway, not only did our CD get rejected, but they "accidentally" destroyed our master in the process. (Did I mention that the CD plant was in Texas? Hmmm.) Anyway, we did eventually find another manufacturer, but that set us back about three weeks. Now we are scrambling to get the CD out fast!

SKRATCH: Should young people vote for Nader?
DJG2S: If they are Republican, definitely. I hate the two-party system as much as most independents and am not a registered Democrat and never will be, but idealism during this election will destroy the future of this country. Any Greens, Communists, and independents need to be pragmatic. Take one for the team and vote Kerry. He's not Bush! Someday, there won't be just asses and elephants—but not this election.
DJB: With all respect, look where that got us. That said, I'm all for the undermining of a dominant two-party system; but in cases where independents and Greens really made a difference, they had the best candidates over a good cause. Minnesota took Jesse Ventura, an independent, but both houses of the state legislature didn't enjoy an independent majority. As tempted as we are to vote for a cause, consider the person in the suit. Nader doesn't even want the job, if you gauge his actions and platform. He has a message, but cockblocking the election isn't going to help, not this time.
MAJOR NOIZE: No! No! No! No! As much as I personally agree with Nader's politics, this election is too critical to waste a vote on a candidate who cannot win. Be realistic. Don't forget, the Republicans were the ones successfully getting Nader on the ballot in certain states. There is no end to their dirty tricks. They want good, idealistic people to waste their vote on Nader, because they know a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush! Please vote for John Kerry! After he wins, you can vote for Nader all you want in 2008.

SKRATCH: I understand you are making your album available for free on your Website, www.operationregimechange.com. How do you expect to turn a profit if you're giving the damn thing away?
DJB: You know that when corporations pour tons of money and time into something silly—like a Red Bull Flutag competition—it's a "branding campaign." Profit isn't the issue, it's the message. This is a portable soundtrack to your personal revolution, to get mad and annoy others into the issues and vote. It's cheaper than a T-shirt by volume. We'd love to recoup the cost if you'd buy a T-shirt or donate, but the album is not for sale. By the time you read this, it'll be on every P2P network and bootlegged downtown, so what's the point?
MAJOR NOIZE: Profit? What is this word "profit"? As an indie band on an indie label, we don't see much profit, any way. In fact, we started this project with the premise that any money we made would go to charity. We basically consider "Operation Regime Change" and Noodle Muffin's REGIME CHANGE CD as our personal donation to the cause. It is real easy to sit back with a beer, bitch about things, and do nothing. Too many Americans do that. We wanted to put our money where our mouth is, even if it means we'll be eating Cup O' Noodles for the next two years. Also, I am a huge advocate of music downloading. Many songs from our earlier releases are freely available for downloading at our Website www.NoodleMuffin.com.

SKRATCH: Do people have a social responsibility to take part in this election?
DJG2S: Yes. If the nation stands by and lets the Bush regime implement their conservative agenda, then they are no different than the Vichy government of France that accepted Nazi rule. Okay, this is an exaggeration, but really, with the global threats we're facing—like terrorism and climate change—we really need to work with the rest of the world. Bush shits on the faces of any nation not agreeing with him, and this is potentially catastrophic for mankind. We have a responsibility to vote for someone who is responsible to our nation and to the world. Vote Kerry!
DJB: This has gone beyond responsibility into an absolute imperative. Vote or die—especially if you're draft age.
MAJOR NOIZE: More than any election in our lifetimes. This is the big one! If we lose this and Bush wins, America is fucked. I urge young voters to register today and vote against Bush. The youth vote in the swing states could make the difference. Remember, Republicans do not want kids to vote.

SKRATCH: Name one good thing John Kerry has said or done.
DJG2S: Kerry has said he will reach out to the world, yet still be strong when it comes to defending the nation. He's environmentally friendly and he's for tax cuts for the middle class and poor [and against] tax cuts for the rich (like G.W.B.).
DJB: He gave CPR to a fucking hamster, and it worked. What else do you want?! Just from his time in the senate, he increased funding for the Small Business Administration, Microloan Technical Assistance, and put a moratorium on Star Wars testing in '85. Pick one.
MAJOR NOIZE: He served his country in Vietnam when other rich kids—like George W. Bush and Dick Cheney—were dodging the draft.

SKRATCH: Name one bad thing George W. Bush has said or done.
DJG2S: Exist. But you want a list? [Check out] the song "Bush in 200 Words or Less" on the REGIME CHANGE CD.
DJB: What, [like] cutting pay for soldiers in Iraq? leaking the name of a CIA operative as payback? lying about the air quality of Ground Zero? lying to the U.N.? Pick your favorite. Those are just the warm-ups. I'm not even getting into the economic and foreign-policy blunders.
MAJOR NOIZE: Being born. That question is just like a Lays potato chip: you can't just have one. If I got started, I couldn't stop, so I'll pass.

SKRATCH: Do you really want to be remembered as unpatriotic?
DJG2S: My pimp hand's getting ready for some action again. Are you sure you're not a Bush operative? Listen, Bush told the U.N., "Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists." But that's not how the world works. There is grey. So we protest. That doesn't make us commies, terrorists, or traitors. But perhaps [being a] traitor isn't such a bad thing. Remember, George Washington was a traitor to the pomms.
DJB: Only by assholes (and that's guaranteed).
MAJOR NOIZE: I think what we are doing is the very patriotic—and I really don't care what the right-wing wackos think of us.

SKRATCH: If our country was occupied by a foreign power with a different religion, would you be one of the guys walking around in a black robe with a rocket launcher?
DJG2S: Our country is occupied by a Texan ([that's] nearly foreign) with a different religion (Evangelical Christian in a supposedly secular state), and I still wear shorts and have only one rocket launcher in them—so, I guess no. However, as much of a pussy as I am about fighting, I still hope that I would fight, say, Canadian fundamentalist Christians if ever they try to take over our country.
DJB: Did you ever see RED DAWN? Patrick Swayze leads teenagers against a commie invasion. That was the first image that question invokes, and it's just as plausible. The U.S. is dozens of times the size of Iraq and just as diverse. We're really lucky to be in a country where we can't even fathom occupation here (even though we're being usurped from the inside). And we'd be assholes to consider that other countries enjoy it. All rocket launchers provide is quick death and slow change.
MAJOR NOIZE: Yes, but without the beheading thing.

SKRATCH: What, if any, organizations do you support?
DJB: The top lefties you'd expect, who are really pounding the pavement. Also, just about anyone who wants Bush out, like Republicans Against Bush.
MAJOR NOIZE: I really like the work MoveOn.org has done. Their grass-roots movement and hard-hitting ads have filled the void left by Kerry's pathetic campaign.

SKRATCH: The album notes claim that all proceeds will be donated to charity. Will the charity be a faith-based NGO or a 527 group that makes slanderous attacks on our commander-in-chief?
DJB: Don't you mean "libelous"? We're looking for those, but, unfortunately, every one of them can't help but tell the truth, so we have to work with what we're dealt.
MAJOR NOIZE: Since we're offering the REGIME CHANGE CD online for free downloading (www.OperationRegimeChange.org) and making the actual CD available for a small donation, we aren't expecting to make a windfall for charity. Still, if we do make some cash, we will donate it to an anti-Bush group like MoveOn.org. With regards to slandering the commander-in-thief, the only way we could slander him is to say he is doing a good job, as that is obviously a false and misleading lie about Bush.

SKRATCH: I understand that there are a lot of people who don't seem to like this president. Where I live, the vast majority of shiny, happy people think he is doing a great job. Do you live in an area where you are in the minority with your liberal views?
DJG2S: I am behind the Bush curtain in Ventura County and am afraid my car windows will be smashed soon to destroy my REGIME CHANGE sticker (plug: available at our online store). While working the Democrat table recently, I was approached by fellow supporters who commended us on our bravery for standing up in Bush country. Scary.
DJB: Some days it feels like it, but on closer inspection, odds are really high that the majority you think is out there is actually a vocal minority. The real majority is moderate or apathetic, but you don't see them applying for 501(c)3 status because, by their very nature, they won't organize. They're the true independents, the ones who are the unknown factor in the numbers game. Swing states aren't just there to sex up the election; those people are desperate to be communicated to.
MAJOR NOIZE: I live in West L.A., so I am safely in Kerry country. I did recently visit the L.A. suburbs (San Gabriel Valley) in my car (which is decorated with several Bush-bashing bumper stickers). Some asshole was kind enough to write "Bush '04" on the side of my car. I guess it could have been worse: if I had been in Texas, they probably would have torched it.

SKRATCH: What is your favorite country, and why?
DJG2S: Spain: good weather, beautiful women, great wine, no G.W. Mmmm.
DJB: Still the U.S.A., but that's because I get to take day trips to Vancouver.
MAJOR NOIZE: I guess the patriotic thing to say is the U.S. of A., but to be honest, I am just sick of how stupid the people are here. How the fuck can Bush be ahead in the polls? It just kills me that Americans are so gullible and uninformed. I'd say England is my favorite country, with New Zealand a close second. Why? A more active and informed populace, a balanced media that reports real news, a multi-party political system, and (of course) good beer. I might have to move there if Bush wins.

SKRATCH: So you drive a Hummer?
DJG2S: Burn in hell, infidel! Now you bait us.
DJB: I received one as a gift, and it wasn't at all what I'd expected. Oh, you mean the vehicle! I once towed an H2 (a.k.a. The GayToaster) out of the mud with the wench on my biodiesel International Harvester. Does that count?
MAJOR NOIZE: I hear they are adapting the Hummer for military use.

SKRATCH: What's the difference between drilling in ANWAR and pushing for alternative fuels?
DJB: Nice segue! You know that if we start drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge tomorrow, we won't see a drop of that oil for 10 years. Exploration will take forever; and the fact is that China, Korea, Japan, and other foreign countries have dibs on that oil, not us. In the meantime, we can get efficient results from alternative sources right now. I just cracked open a NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, and [I read that], including ANWAR, the world's cheap oil days are numbered, any way. It's comical to me. Bush's answer to the dependence of foreign oil is to drill into every scarce pocket we have domestically. That's a band-aid. We'll be right back to our old teat that will run dry—or become even more expensive than it is now.
MAJOR NOIZE: Hmmm, let's see.... What is the difference between shitting in your pants and using a toilet? It will be a crime if Bush lets his buddies destroy ANWAR. Most people don't realize that the oil pumped out of Alaska isn't even used in America: Alaskan oil is mostly used in Japan and Asia because it is too expensive to use here. It is actually cheaper to use imported Middle East oil in the U.S. than Alaskan oil. In other words, Bush's excuses for drilling in ANWAR are complete lies. It is not about reducing dependency on Middle Eastern oil, it is about making money for his oil buddies.

SKRATCH: Recently, Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) was refused entry to our country. Was it right for our government to keep out a potential terrorist? After all, he is a Muslim.
DJG2S: Yes, it was right, but only for aural terrorism. "Peace Train" is an awful song! Seriously, it's a "Wild World" that Ashcroft is trying to create. Ridiculous. What's Yusuf gonna do: sing 'til the pilot crashes the plane? This is how ludicrous and petty this government is.
DJB: Not if your no-fly list is chock full of typos—which is what wound up being the case. [...]
MAJOR NOIZE: Bush's homeland-security measures are a dangerous joke. The Cat Stevens thing reminds me that John Lennon was on the FBI's watch list in his heyday. Thank heavens the government is doing such a fine job protecting us from musicians.

SKRATCH: Should our president be seen windsurfing?
MAJOR NOIZE: I rather have a president windsurfing than one sitting like a deer in headlights for seven minutes during a national crisis.

SKRATCH: Do you think any other country on Earth would allow an album such as yours to be released?
DJG2S: Uh, yeah. Middle America has this warped idea that America is the freest nation in the world, but they should grab a backpack and go to STA and buy a round-the-world ticket. Then they'd see we're not as free as we'd like to believe. Sure, this CD wouldn't go over well in Saudi Arabia, but any European country, Australia, or New Zealand would play this album complete with its expletives. And if we had a video with tits in it, they'd show it on prime time. Elect Bush in 2004, and you'll see more repression and censorship.
DJB: Yes, actually. Most of Western Europe is already burning their own, and we provide the sleeve art on the site. The anti-Blair and G8 stuff in Spain is pretty wild.
MAJOR NOIZE: Believe it or not, America isn't the only free country on Earth.

SKRATCH: Did you know that John Ashcroft reads SKRATCH MAGAZINE?
DJG2S: Well, he has good taste. However, you can change our address to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
DJB: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. He reads?
MAJOR NOIZE: I knew it. Someone that uptight is certainly hiding something. I bet he's a closet punk with a pierced dick. Wasn't the original recording of "Let the Eagles Fly" produced by Glenn Danzig?

SKRATCH: Would you support a congressional initiative to ban the Islamic faith in America, or are you soft on terrorists?
DJG2S: My pimp hand's quivering, you Bush-bitch! I'd take the Fifth on that one, but I guess it won't matter, as I won't be getting a lawyer or trial, anyhow.
DJB: Bhwah! The question's about as unloaded as, "So, when did you stop beating your wife?" But I'll bite. The moment you get our government involved with prohibiting or promoting faith, you're eroding the separation of church and state and are a few steps closer to living in a theocracy. And don't you think that's what terrorists operate best under? Moderate Muslims will tell you that ideology has nothing to do with what's going on. Allah is a recruiting technique. Divinity is always heralded as a war cry—and it's pathetically effective to those who feel they have ideas worth fighting for.
MAJOR NOIZE: Are you sure Karl Rove isn't helping you with these questions?

SKRATCH: You previously released a record dealing with Bob Dole. How was that received?
DJB: Like a fart in church; but we feel it helped in a small way.
MAJOR NOIZE: Actually, that was quite a success. We crammed 10 one-minute (or less) songs about pathetic (but relatively harmless) presidential candidate Bob Dole on a 7" single. It got us airplay on lots of radio stations, including KROQ in L.A. That was a fun election...unlike this one, which has a hell of a lot more at stake.

SKRATCH: Where can people (like John Ashcroft) obtain a copy of this album?
DJG2S: It's free to download at www.OperationRegimeChange.org. We just ask that if you like it, you give money or time to an organization fighting to defeat the Bush in '04.
MAJOR NOIZE: The REGIME CHANGE CD can also be purchased via a donation at the Noodle Muffin Website (www.NoodleMuffin.com) or via Fyoog State Records Mailorder (see the NM Website for details). We also urge people to burn copies of the CD and give it to your friends. We're not doing this CD for the money; we just want the message to get out.

SKRATCH: What will you do if Bush wins another term?
DJG2S: Find a British girl, marry her, and become an ex-pat.
DJB: Keep the site up, add more tracks, and get louder. Then we wait for the same six-year-incumbent curse that plagued Nixon and Clinton in their second terms. Get a good seat in that case, because it'll be a doozy.
MAJOR NOIZE: Fuck. I can't even fathom the shit that guy will pull if he doesn't have to worry about re-election. If he does win, it will truly mean the end of America as we know it. The Supreme Court will fall to Bush; the draft will be reinstated; individual liberties will be obliterated; Bush's war of aggression will expand; and the Christian fundamentalists will take over. I think I'll probably have to jump ship and move to Canada.

SKRATCH: Is there anything you'd like to add?
DJB: Thank you for inviting us into your lush, palatial estate, and I'll gladly pay to replace the carpet.
MAJOR NOIZE: I just like to take this opportunity to send a big FUCK YOU to George W. Bush. Suck my balls, you spoiled rich kid fundamentalist psychopath! Sorry. I just needed to vent. After working on this album and having to listen to the samples of Bush for three months, I'm ready to burst. I truly hate that bastard.

SKRATCH: Do you have any upcoming shows?
DJB: How about that inaugural concert?
MAJOR NOIZE: No. We've been holed up for the last few months creating this CD. Since the election is just around the corner, we're focusing on manning the phones and promoting the CD in the swing states. Some of us are doing volunteer work registering voters. After the election, I think I'll take a vacation—anywhere but Texas.Now I'm convinced: the liberal heart still beats in the breast of American patriots. Though the pulse of the nation has been slowed by misinformation, brutal repression, and a reactionary media, real Americans will still stand up and make their voices heard. Use the system for "regime change." Rise up. Question authority. Register to vote. Speak from the heart. Restore the American dream. God bless America, and God bless Noodle Muffin.

» BACK TO TOP